SLAM! Wrestling Editorial: Back in black
By JOHN POWELL -- SLAM! Wrestling
Can you smell what The Grump is cooking?
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On maternity leave for a month to take care of my beautiful baby son Justin
- he's not only the coolest, he's not only the best, he's Justin Powell! -
and my wife, Julie too, gave me some time to take in the world of
professional wrestling without having to analyze, criticize or summarize.
No news to collect. No interviews to prepare for. No reports to write. Ah,
it was nice to be a casual fan again.
In our business, there are two types of writers. Those who write because
it's their job and those who write because it is as natural to them as
breathing or eating. As you can guess, four weeks of NOT being able to
express myself through the written word was like having my vocal cords
ripped out by Terry Funk, the man who must now hold the record for
consecutive retirements.
My keyboard sat collecting dust for thirty days. I've bitten my tongue for
a total of 720 hours. I've known my role and shut my mouth for 43200
minutes.
Baby, it's time to let it all out and what better way to release some of
that pent up energy then by giving a few knuckle-heads a wake-up call.
Jeff Jarrett. What happened to that easy going Garth Brooks wannabe with
the Lite Brite sunglasses? Desperate times call for desperate measures, one
assumes. Though it's no excuse for Jarrett to behave like a jerk. I admire
Jarrett as one of the greatest technical wrestlers to ever lace up the
boots. He is damn good at what he does. I also share his frustration at not
being respected for his ability but physically abusing women to draw heat from the crowd? What's up with that? I thought those musty angles went the
way of "Iran numba one!" and "Whatcha' gonna do when...".
In the business what Jarrett's doing is called drawing "cheap heat".
Ripping up a little kid's sign at ringside. Knocking an old lady over.
Hurting an adorable animal. Beating up a woman. They are unimaginative
stunts guaranteed to provoke a negative reaction from the crowd. Jarrett
should be embarrassed he's sunk so low and the WWF should be ashamed of themselves for permitting the angle in the first place.
I'd rather retire from the business than lose my dignity like that.
Talking about losing your dignity...
Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Great job on the Heroes Of Wrestling
pay-per-view, Jake! I'm sure the phone is ringing off the hook now after
you staggered through a match with poor Jim Niedhart, slurred through an
interview that surpassed any given by Ahmed Johnson and made obscene
motions with Damien in front of young children. How nice. Thankfully only
two wrestling fans in Kitchener ordered that pay-per-view so get some
help before you really do something stupid. If not for your sake than do it
for those who care about you.
Sting. Stinger. Stingster. Sting-a-reno. You are the hardest working team
player around. However, let's set something straight. Heels are the bad
guys. Faces are the good guys. Heels are evil. They don't get all friendly
with the crowd, smile or let out Stinger yells to acknowledge them. In
fact, heels go out of their way to annoy fans. Turning Sting bad was the
worst business decision any promotion made this year besides the WWF
thinking it was perfectly okay to introduce incest and the battering of
women as storylines.
The mainstream media. In their infinite wisdom they connected the imaginary
dots between Droz's unfortunate accident and the death of Owen Hart.
Pa-leeze. About once a week a hockey player gets carted off the ice on a
stretcher. I don't see anyone demanding a crack down in hockey violence.
Drivers crash and die in auto racing from time to time, be it NASCAR (God
rest your soul, Davey Allison), Formula One or motorcycle racing. Again, I
don't see movements forming to close down that sport either.
So what's the deal? Wrestling has returned to the public spotlight
therefore everything that happens gets more attention than it deserves by
uneducated gasbags who couldn't tell the difference between a turnbuckle
and a belt buckle. They don't have a clue so their opinion is truly
meaningless, as you have no doubt discovered. In wrestling's history about
as many people have died in the ring as have professional boxers in their
squared circle. That's the truth. That's the reality. But why should they
let the facts get in the way of a good story or another self-serving dig at
pro-wrestling, eh?
The Rock. Is this guy a heel or a face? Someone please explain this to me.
He treats the well-meaning, thoughtful Mankind like scum. He lays the
verbal smackdown on an elderly female security guard. He harasses innocent
bystanders backstage. What a cranky, arrogant guy! Maybe Johnson should
change his name from The Rock to...The Grump! What he needs to do is go
down to the local drug store, buy the biggest can of happy pills he can
find, turn them sideways and shove them up...well...you know the rest.
Reader's Note
:
Thanks to all the readers who sent along their best wishes concerning the birth of my son Justin and also wrote in asking about my apparent absence. It's nice to know I was missed. Suffice it to say that my being back also signals the return of our comprehensive pay-per-view coverage which begins again this weekend with my coverage of No Mercy. Thanks to everyone who kept this crazy ship afloat while I was away.
