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The definition of 'chutzpah'
The last time anybody asked for a do-over this outrageous, Tonya Harding had one leg up on a figure skating judge's desk, a broken shoelace and tears streaming down her face.Don King didn't have enough self-respect to even pretend he was crying when he left Madison Square Garden early Sunday. Instead, he was yelling "Let's do it again!" over and over. And cackling in between.
The draw involving Evander Holyfield and Lennox Lewis that preceded it didn't set a new low for boxing -- but only because no one can say for sure what the last one was.
It might have been any of the handful of fights during Mike Tyson's first comeback, or the meal he tried to make of Holyfield that ended it. It might have been the disqualification Andrew Golota earned for mistaking Riddick Bowe's shoelaces for his belt -- twice. Or Oliver McCall's loss to Lewis two years ago, when he stood in the middle of the ring sobbing and refused to fight. Take as many punches to the head as fight fans recently and things start to run together.
Either way, what the boxers involved had in common, besides making a mockery of their sport, was that each was given the chance to do it over again. And so, too, will Holyfield and Lewis. In an almost unprecedented show of unity, the heads of the International Boxing Federation, World Boxing Council and World Boxing Association decreed it.
"It's a shame there was so much controversy attached to this important fight," IBF president Bob Lee said, apparently forgetting who hired the judges that produced it. 'But we did what we thought was the most sensible thing by ordering a rematch in six months."
If you're looking for the definition of "chutzpah," this is as good as any. Most people with the chance to get out of town with nothing accomplished and too much of someone else's money know enough to keep it to themselves. Or they try to make amends by, say, putting the rematch on free TV.
Not these guys. Having picked the pockets of the 21,000 people who jammed the Garden and millions more at home through the miracle of pay per view and gotten away with it once, they can't wait to see if they can run the scam again.
"Definitely," Holyfield said.
"Automatic," Lewis said.
The people at HBO, uncertain whether they'll be cut in on the rematch, were already trying to squeeze some dollars out of the replay. By Sunday night, the cable network was running ads showing one of the few entertaining moments of the fight, inviting viewers to see for themselves "if it's one of the biggest travesties ever."
Trust us, it was -- though that hardly qualifies as a reason to sit through a dull fight again. The time and effort would be better invested trying to get a refund if you shelled out $50 to watch it the first time.
Don King loves to say, "Only in America!" and only in a country with an oversupply of lawyers would there even be a chance you might get your money back. Of course, it's highly unlikely. But as the three ringside judges proved last weekend, justice is not only blind, but sometimes misguided.
Last Wednesday, the Nevada Supreme Court ruled that a number of lawsuits filed against Tyson and King seeking refunds for pay-per-view customers of the infamous "bite fight" could go forward as a class action in Clark County.
In that June 1997 bout, Tyson twice tried to make a snack of Holyfield's ear and got himself disqualified. Some of the more than 30 lawsuits that followed in its wake suggest Tyson's snacking habit was actually a ploy to throw the fight.
A New York judge dismissed a similar complaint last year, but that is being appealed. And as the whole shameless bunch involved in this latest episode has reminded us, sometimes the only obstacle to getting a do-over is having the courage to ask for it.