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'The Real Meal'
And maybe, in the end, it did answer the week-long question about the psyche of Iron Mike Tyson. Maybe the guy is nuts. Or maybe he was just hungry. If that's the case, it may turn out to be a $30 million snack -- $15 million for biting the right ear of Evander "The Real Meal" Holyfield, $15 million for coming back for seconds on the left.
When a man is disqualified for biting his opponent on both ears, as referee Mills Lane disqualified Tyson at the end of the third round, he surely must forfeit his purse. It also raises some question as to whether he will ever fight again.
I hope they have great videotape. I hope they were close enough with those new jillion-dollar cameras to chronicle it fang by fang. For without the evidence of their own eyes, who will ever believe what happened here at the MGM Grand last night?
Title fights are settled with fists, not teeth. They do not end with the champion standing in the corner having his ear power-washed and the challenger raging in the other corner like a pit bull who's slipped his collar. This was supposed to be a fight for the ages, not the comic pages.
Take it bite-by-bite.
They're clinching, as they'd done through the first two rounds. Suddenly, Holyfield rocks back and jumps into the air in rage. A line of blood shows under his right ear.
Lane signals time out while he considers the possibility that one of his fighters has been bitten.
Tyson, tired of waiting, rushes over and shoves Holyfield into the ropes.
Lane restores order. They pound away at each other. It is shaping up as a fight they should move out into the alley where they can use garbage cans and lead pipes. Maybe it's going to be a fight after all.
And then -- another clinch, and another bite, this time on the other ear.
The bell goes. The round is over. Confusion reigns.
Lane goes to Holyfield's corner, takes a look, and signals disqualification. The Sound and the Fury becomes the Fanged and the Famished. Fights break out in the ring. Tyson wants everybody -- anybody.
Tyson's entourage leaves. Somebody in the stands spits. All hell breaks loose. Security troops land on the guy and haul him away. The crowd of 16,333 is stunned to near silence. And millions of Pay-TV customers are left thinking that if they were going to watch someone eat, they should have used the $69.95 to order pizza.
And now the whole mess falls in the hands of the Nevada State Athletic Commission, the World Boxing Association and possibly the Campaign Against Hunger.
One thing you can take to the bank: There'll be no rubber meal. Evander Holyfield is a religious and forgiving man, but he has but two ears to give to his profession, and he gave them both last night.
Where does this leave boxing? Looking for another contender -- Michael Moorer, perhaps, or Andrew Golota, who was ahead of Riddick Bowe in two fights before losing for hitting him way down there. A better question might be where it leaves Mike Tyson. When he promised all week that the old Iron Mike would return, we thought he meant the fighter.
We didn't expect him to reach further back and resurrect the thug.