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Tyson-Holyfield: May the better id win
Phainting Phil, meet Missing Mitch.
Mitch Halpern, who was supposed to referee tonight's Mike Tyson-Evander Holyfield heavyweight title fight -- a prestigious plum for which he would be paid $10,000 -- decided late Thursday night that he didn't want the job. He phoned the Nevada State Athletic Commission, pulled the pin, and will be replaced by the veteran Mills Lane.
The chronology is at the very least intriguing.
At 6 p.m. Thursday, after a one-hour session in which they basically stood around staring at one another, the commission held a public meeting to rule on a protest by Team Tyson asking that Halpern be replaced because the reappearance in the ring of this man who'd stopped the first Tyson-Holyfield fight in the 11th round could be potentially distracting and maybe even downright damaging to the tender psyche of poor little Iron Mike.
The five commission members heard testimony, called up lawyers, had minutes read, fumed, fussed and hunched their shoulders, confirming a long-held suspicion that if they'd been running D-Day we'd all be speaking German.
Sixty-five minutes later, they told Team Tyson to go pound sand. By a vote of 4-1, Mitch Halpern was their guy.
Halpern was delighted. He appreciated the confidence of the commission, he said. No, he certainly wouldn't let the protest affect his performance.
"I have a job to do," he said, "and I'm going to concentrate on doing it."
His feelings were dutifully reported in the morning prints, by which time they had been obliterated by onrushing events.
It seems that some time after the meeting, Halpern went to the Sporting House to work out -- and during that workout it came to him that he "should not be the focus" of Holyfield-Tyson II.
"He thought long and hard about the situation at hand," said commission spokesman Marc Ratner in a hastily-produced morning press release, "and he felt he shouldn't be the focus of one of the greatest sporting events in the history of the sport. He called me and said he felt very strongly that he should step aside, so that the focus is squarely on the two fighters."
Gee. What a guy, that Mitch Halpern.
The Tyson camp doesn't want him, the Holyfield camp says he's fine, but they would go along with Mills Lane just to expedite matters. Old Mitch goes for a workout and -- Pow! -- it comes to him that maybe he should say to hell with the 10 grand and get out of the way so 16,333 people in the MGM Grand and all those millions in the Pay-TV audience can concentrate on Tyson and Holyfield instead of poking each other and saying things like:
"Migawd, Martha! That's Mitch Halpern!"
"You know, Fred, I think you're right! But who are those two guys in there with him?"
So where are we?
Well, Team Tyson gets its wish. There's a new referee. Iron Mike Tyson's much-discussed and supposedly-suspect psyche will not have to wrestle with the spectre of Mitch Halpern.
But wait! Evander Holyfield loves Mills Lane! He once called him "my referee." Will this strengthen his sense of inner peace? If Mike finds out, will it trigger inner doubt? A sense of isolation? The heartbreak of psoriasis?
Stay tuned. Tonight they get to hit each other. May the better id win.